Inside Out

One year ago yesterday, my husband and I officially signed our Separation Agreement, in the presence of witnesses, a Notary, and shared a ceremonial slug of the “special whisky” Greg brought in honour of the occasion. Turns out, the whisky was awful – but somehow, its nasty burn seemed more fitting than a smooth scotch would have been, given the intensity and jarring impact of that moment on my life. 

I had picked October 20th as the date for the paperwork, as I reckoned that was the day Greg first left our bed and moved out to the studio the year before that. From that moment to the clink of our whisky glasses, my whole world was turned inside out.

I come from a long line of introverts. Apart from the kids who would come to visit me, my mother did not socialize with the neighbourhood folk much. She preferred to keep her private life, well, private. When Greg and I were courting, one of the songs he wrote for me that truly clinched the deal was called “Hermit Wife” – an invitation to lock ourselves away from the world, emerging only now and then to share the art we’d created together. I was in.

Until two years ago. At that moment, when he separated himself from me and my life, I was left holding an empty bag. If I had not had my own career, my own resources, emotional intelligence, and the wisdom to seek help, it would most certainly have ended me.

I reached out to my work family. Friends and family were there to catch me as well, but most of all, I had to turn to myself to build my recovery plan. It started with exercise – and I began walking every day. As I walked, I would come across people in the neighbourhood walking their dogs – whom I always stopped to meet. Slowly but surely, I shed my Hermit Wife skin – and found a community. 

We get together regularly now, a dozen or so of us, for a dog “pawty”. Halloween’s meetup is next weekend in my back yard. My new six-month-old puppy is the belle of the ball, and I have found myself with a new approach to being in this world. I am still an introvert, but know now that I need the energy and sense of connection that comes from being around people who love and support me for being just who I am. 

I have turned myself inside out, and I kinda like it.

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